we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
