She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
