Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
