The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize