Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
