if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
her vagine was all disorganized.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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