yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
