found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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