I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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