I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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