you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
