That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
