If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
