OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
