Don't you send me to vm
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
