You smell like a Billy Joel song
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
