She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
it's like heaven, but drunker
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
