We're facebook friends in real life
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
