Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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