And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
