i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
