i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
