my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Randomize
