I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize