I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
