I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
