your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
