u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My cat gives me a boner
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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