This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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