I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
