i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
