i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
