I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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