I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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