you traded sex for a burrito?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
