Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
