sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
