is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
