Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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