probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize