Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
