note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
