i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
