he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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