They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
A+ Viking dick
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
