Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
