Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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