Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
