Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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