He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
