Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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