About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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