I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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