Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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