Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize