Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize