I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
They have beer where we have blood.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
