please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize