What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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