Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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