I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
