I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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