Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
