I love black thongs
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
