i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
