i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
