They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
