I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
