It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i love accidental penises.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
