I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Fuck me I smell like cheese
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
