google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
